Anger is a short madness, but bitterness is anger that has been boiled, simmered,

 and then put into the deep freeze of our psyches. We may think that we have done

our ‘anger management’ by cooling and repressing our anger, but in most cases, it’s

still alive and not well. It needs to be thawed, re-heated, and disposed of properly.

Refrigeration doesn’t work well, as cooled anger turns to resentment and bitterness.

It also has a tendency to leak out at inappropriate times-- upsetting good relationships,

disturbing our dreams, and filling us with a vague discontent.

     Anger is what we feel first in the face of injustice, and repeated anger becomes deep-

seated resentment at whoever and whatever is upsetting us. It turns cold and bitter. And

the worse part is that it can turn us bitter even when we think we’ve hidden it so well! It

can show on our faces, in our expressions, in our tone of voice. It gives us indigestion,

insomnia, back pain, and unexplained headaches. We want so much for it not to de-freeze--

we want so much to forgive and forget, but proper disposal of toxic pain isn’t easy. Most of

 us need help with it.

     Bitterness is a crusty disease that grows on unprocessed anger. It is particularly

dangerous for us as we age, because many therapists, including myself, believe that it

plays a part in heart disease as well. The heart is both a physical and emotional organ

that reflects how we treat it. Most of us are trying to exercise away the excesses that

have deposited themselves as fat—but what are we doing with all that un-dealt with

pain in our hearts? With the years of frozen anger?

      First of all, it needs to be acknowledged. Yes, it’s there. Maybe you call it

disillusionment with your career, or maybe you say it’s how your sister cheated you out

of part of your inheritance, or maybe it’s that romantic love never quite came through for

you. You may have the regret of the ‘enabler’ or the one who had to sacrifice a large part

 of her life for another. Maybe you blame someone or blame yourself. What matters most

though, is the story we tell ourselves about it.

     This story needs to be re-told and re-framed. If you will investigate, research, and delve

deeper into the place where you hold this bitterness and pain, you may be able to gain a wider

perspective and a deeper understanding of the whole picture. You need to have someone

who can deeply listen to your story--someone you trust.  In your re-telling of the story, emotions

will re-surface if you allow them...and if you allow your listener in, you may be able to 

feel and understand it from different perspectives. Can you allow them to help

you put it into a story that makes some sense? (not easy!)

       The psychologist, Carl Jung, once wrote that all adult neuroses could only be healed

by a spiritual perspective. Perhaps you can find a way to infuse the story with love towards

yourself and others. He also felt that bitterness and grief needed to "be drunk to the last drop."

There's no easy or short way to defrost frozen anger and pain. The last step of the process

will be for you to tell the ‘deep freezer of your subconscious’ the new story of how and why it all

happened, and how you feel about it now. You can't go back and keep repeating the same old

story or your psyche will not believe that a healing has occurred.

      As a psychotherapist and astrological counselor, I often look at what I call the family

karmic inheritance. This is the legacy of inherited sins and blessings that get handed down

the generations, and I believe it’s responsible for more psychic distress than we realize.

      You may notice that you have your mother’s eyes, but have you noticed that you have

some of her passive aggressive traits as well? Do you know what she was holding her anger

 about? Can you discover how far back it goes? Could you be overly sensitive to authoritarian

 figures like your grandfather, or experiencing a similar conflict between the demands of

creativity and family that he once did? How bad did it get? Once you know the nature of the

inheritance you can look at it how it’s showing up in your life. Old, long, and difficult

inheritances can be particularly insidious. When you become conscious of the "sins of the

father’s" you not only begin a healing process for yourself, but you stop the inheritance from

infecting your children.

      Generations of maternal and paternal legacies influence us in subtle and no so subtle ways.

In some families (such as the presidential Kennedy’s) there has been mention of a family ‘curse’.

Although that is an exaggeration for most of us, almost everyone inherits a mixture of psycho-

spiritual legacies that need to be sorted through. We need to pull out all the stories we can from

the family deep freezer.

     You can’t be fueled by bitterness, but you can be fueled by anger. Bitterness eats you up,

whereas anger can fuel you to do the emotional detective work that heals. It can help you find

your voice and your courage. If you are feeling depressed, stuck, or cynical its time to do the

psychic de-freezing. This is the time to act, not to "depress." You may have to admit that your

 attempts to sublimate and distract yourself from your difficult moods aren’t working any more.

This is a good thing, because it means the time is right for you to make a positive and perhaps

radical change.

      As an astrologer and counselor, I find that there is a grace and energy that shows up when

we do things at the right time. If you have no family members who are alive, or who won’t tell you

 true stories; you can find powerful hints as to this inheritance on your astrological chart. You can

even bring your astrologer the birth dates of other people involved in your "frozen story" and

by doing a comparison of charts (called synastry) the astrologer can bring many insights to the fore.

(Also see my article on this site: the Family Karmic Inheritance)

When you allow yourself to strongly re-experience your feelings, rather than freezing them, you allow

an opening for grace and serendipity. Call it what you will: God or chance or synchronicity, but

whenever you decide to melt the frozen chunks of bitter memories with the healing warmth of

tears and heartfelt stories, you invite in powers and graces beyond your rational mind. I believe

we ‘summon the Gods’ with our open hearts, and that the Soul is ruthless in finding its way home.

Blessings on your journey home.

Published in:      www.selfgrowth.com/articles/spring3.html.  

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Elizabethspring@aol.com www.elizabethspring.com 401-294-5863